The Advantages Of  Creating "SUPERKIDS" At HOME?

LET'S VISIT A "MANAGEMENT" HOUSEHOLD TO SEE:         

     Jim and Sally Smith are what most psychologist would label as "authoritarian" or "overindulgent" parents.  Jim being authoritarian and Sally overindulgent.  Since each child-rearing method is the opposite of the other, frequent disagreements on useful techniques occur. The confusion and improper guidance of the five children in the family becomes obvious to anyone caring to look. Let's see why.
     Sally loves her five children so much that she constantly wants to do things for them - robbing the kids of any opportunity to learn self-reliance.  Naturally, this causes Jim to throw up his hands in disgust.  An argument usually starts immediately.  
     Sally being a permissive parent, has the kind but long-term destructive thought that she's keeping her kids from suffering what she went through as a youngster. Some examples of  how this happens follow.
     Bob, age 15, delivers morning papers on a paper route. Every rainy, cold, or even uncomfortable morning, Sally gets up early to take her son in the family car rather than have him ride his bike.
     When Bob tries to do things for himself, around the house, Mom often steps in with a statement such as:  "Oh, here!  That's too hard for you. Let me do it!"
     Mary, age 12, in the past, customarily confided in her mother with everything - no matter how personal.  Now that Mary is older, and wants to begin exercising some self-reliance, she refuses to do so. This causes mother to feel hurt, at first, and then angry, because she associates this with being ungrateful for all of the many things she has done for Mary in the past.  So, mother's anger then drives Mary even further away from her mother.  Mother then feels even more hurt.
     Tom, age 10, has become fearful of doing much of anything without first consulting his mother.  He is resentful of any attention mother pays to other children in the family.  He is teased by Bob or Mary as being "tied to Mama's apron" or "being a Mama's boy."  The same type of thing happens at school with Tom's classmates.
     Jerry, age 7, constantly begs to sleep with Mom and Dad. This child often throws tantrums and disrupts family functions when he doesn't get his way.  This causes Dad to get angry and often abuse him, much to the consternation of Mom and the rest of the family.
     Nancy, age 4, has become the worst of all the bones of contention between Mom and Dad.  With this child, Jim has finally exercised what he considers to be his fatherly right, as head of the family, to correct what he sees as many terrible child-rearing mistakes of the past.  Father is raising Nancy with true authoritarian methods.
     Nancy has become almost afraid of her father.  She has learned to make few decisions on her own.  Even her mother's suggestions are referred to her father before compliance.  This habit now occurs even with strangers. The child is constantly fearful and nervous, much to the consternation of Mother - who points this out to Father.         
     As you can see, the Smith Family has become what most psychologists would call dysfunctional.  Constant wrangling occurs daily, with the parents on the verge of a divorce and the children anxiously confused and fearful.
     Before proceeding to the improvement you will see in a "Superkids" household, we need to examine what is actually needed for "good parenting procedures," according to extensive surveys by behavior experts.  Most psychologist would normally agree that nine factors are required.  But, how they are all actually achieved in a management household seems difficult to imagine. On the other hand, a self-management home accomplishes them almost automatically.
     So, at this time or later if preferred, it is suggested that the reader click on, print, and compare the "thumbnail sketch of the Harrison System at home" with what follows. Be sure to return with the back button.   

WHAT DOES RESEARCH SAY ARE THE NINE FACTORS OF PARENTING THAT MAKE MOM & DAD SUCCESSFUL?
(This synopsis comes from pages 75-77 of Dr. Elizabeth M. Ellis's book titled "Raising a Responsible Child," A Birch Lane Press Book, 1995)
     1.  Warmth!  Parents must express love, interest, and deep feelings toward the child and the things that interest that particular youngster.
     2.  Firm control in the household!  Parents must offer clear household rules that:  a.  protect the children;  b.  contain definite and understood consequences;  c.  respect the rights of others;  d.  and, are fair and deserved punishment.
     3.  Lack of emotional involvement!  Parents must maintain an emotional detachment from the children which respects kids rights as well as the adult authority.  This means angry outbursts, attacks, and guilt become a thing of the past.
     4.  Consistency!  Rules and punishment must always be consistent. No child in the family can be treated differently from another - unless the child is handicapped.
     5.  Democratic decision making!  Parents should invite input and participation in family decisions appropriate for kids.
     6.  Promote independence in all areas. This is accomplished by allowing the child to fail (sometimes) and learn from the failure. The opportunity to try should never be curtailed. Great restraint must be exercised by parents to allow this to happen.
     7.  Maturity demands that "babyish behavior be discouraged. Appropriate, for the age involved, responsibilities require self-reliance on the part of the child. Success brings a reward and failure offers an opportunity to try again.
     8.  Children must become socialized!  Respect for adults and each other should become a natural way for children.  They should be required to obey rules, curb aggressiveness and impulses, and, learn politeness and good manners.
     9.  Nonconformity is encouraged!  This makes the child:  creative and unafraid to experiment;  not swayed by peer pressure;  and guided by higher values and principles.

     Let's take a moment to examine and compare each factor - if you haven't already done so.  The great difference and improvement between management and self-management methods becomes obvious and startling.

     1.  Little or no difference exists in the warmth available in either method.  But there is a great difference in what MUST be there for management methods to work.  Management methods MUST utilize warmth or else very little achievement occurs. Without it, the child actually feels alienated. Self-management methods allow the parent to often forget warmth without alienation occurring. The reason is that self-management children almost always receive a valuable reward (the scorekeeper) and don't need so much praise.
     2.  Firm control is automatic in a self-managed household. 
Such a home is ruled by "laws" rather than just "authority."  These laws are democratically:  devised;  understood; fair; administered; and, respectful of everyone in the household.  Each law contains a known and assured penalty or consequence - before it's broken. Conversely, the management household is ruled by an adult authority's emotion and sense of justice which is often as changeable as the wind.  Many times there are two such adults (e.g. as in the Smith household) with conflicting emotions or methods.
     3.  Lack of emotional involvement is nearly impossible in the management household.  Management by authority runs on emotion. Self-management allows limited emotion so long as it is not unjust or in violation of rights given under the law.  If it is, a "lawsuit" occurs. Mom and Dad can cry right along with the child - then they MUST "fine" the rascal, and the rascal expects it.
     4.  Consistency becomes automatic with self-management methods. The children demand it!  Parents who aren't consistent become management parents once more - a fate worse than death.
     5.  Democratic decision making becomes an intricate part of the Harrison System for adults and children.  The process begins with the Family Council and continues with the laws and justice system. Management methods make democratic decision making very difficult if not impossible.  Most attempts by any adult to accomplish this are viewed by the children as a fake relinquishment of authority which may make children feel better, at the time, about accepting punishment and direction.
     6.  Promoting independence is difficult indeed for any parents using management methods.  The very nature of such methods demand conformity and not independence.  Independence causes lots of stress and work for the manager.  After all, responsibility rests with the manager or authority and not the child.  Self-management methods automatically promote independence.
     7.  Maturity instead of babyish behavior becomes difficult to achieve in a management household when the authority is accountable rather than the child (who is only accountable to the authority). Self-management kids KNOW that they and they alone pay for mistakes.  So, they act accordingly as mature individuals.
     8.  In socializing children, management methods send all the wrong messages.  Do we want our future citizens learning that:  a.  It isn't what you know that matters but rather who you know!  b.  Don't bother to think for yourself.  Instead, first ask the authority!  c.  What I can get away with depends upon how many authorities are watching! d.  Why vote?   e.  Self-reliance means how much can I get from the government before others do?  And the list could go on and on until a "free society" means that the government does everything for you so that everything is "Free" - like it was with Hitler, Stalin, and Mao!
     9.  Nonconformity can almost never be encouraged in management households.  If it is, the work and stress of the manager soon becomes unbearable.  Management presupposes conformity. The self-management child, being self-accountable, automatically comes for advice and needs little management. Thus, such a child can and will be a nonconformist only if it is the right thing for him to do. If it isn't - he already knows the automatic consequences.  How could America have a better trained citizen than this?    

NOW LET'S SUPPOSE THE SMITH FAMILY OPERATES WITH A SELF-MANAGEMENT PROGRAM SUCH AS THE "HARRISON SYSTEM"
     Jim and Sally Smith may still be authoritarian and overindulgent parents - but they can't act that way!  The Family Council, the "Constitution" and the "Household Laws"  won't permit it.  Together the two parents have 4 votes, 2 each.  This is sufficient to overcome the 2 and 1/2 total votes of their five children. For example: Bob has l vote; Mary has 3/4 of a vote; Tom has 1/2 of a vote; Jerry has 1/4 of a vote; and little Nancy has no vote until she is believed capable by both parents.  Nevertheless, she can still contribute her opinion.
     As you can see, the parents, together, still retain voting control of the Council.  However, the children do have a contributing role to play and can be the deciding factor when parental opinion is split. This prevents excesses on the part of either Mom or Dad and the constant bickering that obviously occurred before in the Smith household.  Common sense and reason now control everything.
     Bob still delivers morning papers but he now has to pay points for his mother's help with the car.  So, he thinks long and strong before asking for it.  But of even more importance, Mother now allows Bob to do everything for himself without the often and familiar "That's too hard for you.  Let me do it!"  Instead, she frequently pays Bob "Points" for shining her shoes, cleaning up a mess she has made, and other personal things from her "fair share" of Points earned by contributing the real money to run the household. Sometimes she even has to "fine" Bob for misbehavior (as the "Family Judge").  So both benefit.  Bob learns self-reliance and mother feels good about helping Bob without also being a destructive parent in Father's eyes.
     Mary has learned to bring some of her problems before the Council which never gets angry if she doesn't care to do so.  And, mother has reluctantly accepted this as a grown-up part of teen-age self-reliance learning.  Of course, the Council Members (in a family discussion) had to first explain why this was necessary for all teenagers.  Now even Mom and Dad ask for solutions to problems and listen intently to suggestions offered by their children.  Anything and everything CAN BE DISCUSSED but few things MUST BE DISCUSSED.  Mother and daughter have become closer to each other once again.
     Tom is no longer a moma's boy or tied to her apron strings. As a voting member of the Council, Tom now knows where to look for guidance and where to bring his problems.  Mother is just as loved and revered as before but self-reliant BIG BOYS try to think for themselves.  If they don't, they lose lots of Points. And, if they do think for themselves, they earn lots of Points.  Moreover, Mother is also pleased, since she now knows, deep in her heart, that dependence must be shed, eventually. And, without prior training in self-reliance, the transformation becomes hard and next to impossible for children.
     Jerry's tantrums have disappeared with the implementation of household laws (and the fines any violation can bring).  Fathers abusive behavior also vanishes for the same reason.  All children (as well as adults) are protected by the household's "Constitution" and "Laws."  The kids now secretly hope Dad does lose his temper and have to pay them lots of points.  No person in the Smith Family will ever again be afraid of another member (or any other legitimate authority) - so long as they obey the law.  And, if they think it's a bad law, they know exactly how to change it.
     Because of the previous fact, Nancy's fear of her father subsides. Mother's and Father's bone of contention also vanishes as they see the wonderful transformation in Nancy's demeanor and character. Nancy has now gradually learned to make decisions all on her own and understands that she is protected by laws and the Family Council, if needed.

     Your family can be similar to the Smith Family, and even if it isn't, please reread the nine factors above.  Management methods must be replaced by self-management techniques such as the "Harrison System" offers.  Until you do this, it's impossible to properly perform as a  parent for your children.  Not only will you be glad you changed but so will all of the other people in the world.
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